“The worst fight I had with my family–and what I learned from it!” | My Pope Philippines

“The worst fight I had with my family–and what I learned from it!”

While many look back fondly on their adolescence, others think of their teenage years as a long, bad dream—one filled with awkwardness, drama, and episodes that they now recall with a light-hearted chuckle. Raging hormones are usually to blame, but the teenage years are also a time when we’re still trying to figure out who we are and where we stand in this crazy world. Mistakes are bound to happen, and when they do, hopefully, they make us stronger and wiser—not angrier or bitter. 

 

Five young adults tell My Pope about the worst fight they had with their family—and their takeaway from this defining moment. 

 

Mary, 25 

 

Tell us about the “worst” fight or misunderstanding you had with your family when you were still a teenager.

I studied in a dorming school when I was in high school, so I kind of felt like I was an independent kid at the time. My life then revolved around my friends––most especially during senior year when I wanted to make the most out of our remaining months of being together. Little did I know, that was also how my relationship with my family would be put to the test. 

 

You see, I wanted to maximize my time with my friends so much that it even came to a point that I would prefer to be with them on the weekends rather than with my family. Our usual bonding was to sleep over in my parents’ house, drink excessively, and party ‘til sunrise. Initially, my parents didn’t utter a word about my and my friends’ behavior. They were really patient. But when things started to get worse, they decided to confront me once and for all.

 

What were the consequences of your actions? 

I lost my parents’ trust in me. They became strict. It even came to a point where they didn’t allow me to study college in the metro because they wanted to keep me close to monitor my activities in college.

 

What did you learn from it?

The fact that my friends didn’t talk me through my issues with my parents taught me one thing: The ones who are truly worth keeping are those who help you realize your mistakes and mend your relationship with those who matter to you most.

 

How did you mend your relationship with your family?

I strove hard in college. With that, my parents were able to see that I was already mature enough to balance my social and academic lives.  The fact that they were also confident with my new set of friends also helped! Eventually, they just stopped picking me up after school and checking up on my class schedule. They became permissive again.

 

How are you with your family now?

We’re doing great! I am now working in Manila so I only have the weekends to see my family in the province. Our usual bonding is a staycation in Tagaytay or just a movie night at home. There are also those weekends that my friends would visit me in the province to sleep over in our house for old times’ sake. This time, however, it is not just me who would gladly welcome them into our house––my parents would, too! 

 

Also Read: Four Tips to Making Your Sorry Count

 

Jared, 20 

 

Tell us about the “worst” fight or misunderstanding you had with your family when you were still a teenager.

The worst fight I had when I was a teenager was when my mother and I had a very bad argument. This happened when I was still in high school. I do not recall exactly what stirred the argument, but I remember that I was very frustrated emotionally to the point where I was face to face with my mom ready to push her over. Something to this day I still am not proud of doing. 

 

What were the consequences of your actions? 

My mom gave me a look of disappointment and refused to acknowledge me for about a week or so. 

 

What did you learn from it?

I learned that I should never try to attempt to fight my mom physically. It showed that the influence of how my emotions got the best of me. Slowly but surely I have learned to control them more and more. It also showed me how I should never let my emotions get the best of me because I have seen the repercussions of that with many unhappy experiences with my dad. He too is very much like that and I strive to never be like him in any way.  But the worst part about it was seeing how strongly he had an influence on me when I was younger. 

 

How did you mend your relationship with your family?

I apologized and talked with her about it. Saying how it was wrong. My actions made me realize the strong influence that my dad had on me in my teen years. 

 

How are you with your family now?

Now my mom and I can always talk about anything. I am confident enough to bring up issues and strong enough to withstand her bluntness. She’s taught me to be pusong bato so I balance that out with my already natural pusong mamon self. 

 

Also Read: These readers will inspire you to keep going amidst life’s challenges

 

Damien, 16

 

Tell us about the “worst” fight or misunderstanding you had with your family when you were still a teenager. 

Last year we visited my aunt and uncle and I took some money out of my aunt’s bag. I thought no one noticed but my aunt called my mom when we got home because the money that was missing was the same amount I had mentioned I needed to buy a video game.  My mom got angry and my aunt was sad.  Mom talked to me and told me she knew and asked me to hand over the money.

 

What were the consequences of your actions?   

My phone was taken away for a few days. Mom was so upset and embarrassed that she did not want to even talk to me after she scolded me so I tried to stay out of her way.  It was hard because sometimes I had to ask her something and she was still mad. The next time Mom thought she had money missing from her wallet, she immediately asked me if I took it. Even my brother does not trust me now.

 

What did you learn from it?  

It is hard to earn back people’s trust. Especially if the person I hurt is someone close to me, it is even harder.   

 

How did you mend your relationship with your family?    

I apologized. I just try to show them that I am learning to be responsible.

 

How are you with your family now?  

My aunt and I are okay. My mom still lectures me about being honest when she thinks I did something wrong. I feel she still does not trust me completely.  

 

Also Read: We asked a student, a professional, and a retiree: ‘What is independence?’

 

Chance, 20 

 

Tell us about the “worst” fight or misunderstanding you had with your family when you were still a teenager. 

I have a lot of disagreements with my family since I am the black sheep of the family. I sing, dance, and am an artist and none of them do any of those things. I also suffer from severe depression. My family would always try to diminish these traits that make me unique and also ignore my depression, asking, “Bakit ganyan ang mukha mo?”

 

The only time they showed concern for me was when I tried to jump over a bridge to kill myself. Due to this I would make decisions on my own without asking for permission from them, but these are harmless decisions. I went to the salon to change my hair color to a very vivid shade without their consultation. I also do gymnastics and dance practices in my very small room since I know they wouldn’t like what I’m doing so I always practice privately. In other words, they always argue with me because I don’t fit in with their conservative values.

 

What were the consequences of your actions?   

 

My actions never had consequences to begin with since I wasn’t the one who was at fault. Being a rebel and standing up for myself freed me and allowed me to make my own life choices that make me happy.

 

What did you learn from it?  

Growing up, I always thought that the adults around me are always right. However, as I continue to develop both intellectually and physically as a person, I have a better understanding of what is right and wrong.

 

I learned that you only need to pick up the good things adults teach you and ignore the ones you know are wrong for you. Adults are basically just kids who have grown up; they have a lot of faults as well.

 

How did you mend your relationship with your family?    

The relationship only mended slowly over time, also with the help of one-on-one conversations. They eventually chose to support my life decisions. 

 

How are you with your family now?  

My relationship with my family is pretty neutral; we disagree on things but we also have happy moments from time to time.

 

Also Read: These three films will inspire you to pursue your life’s purpose

 

Frieda, 23

 

Tell us about the “worst” fight or misunderstanding you had with your family when you were still a teenager. 

When I was 14, my mom and I got into a huge fight because she read my diary. 

 

She saw an entry wherein I was so mad at her because she wouldn’t allow me to go to a summer outing with my friends. There were words written there that she should have not read so she called me out. Being a teenager who wanted to go with her friends, I was super angry because 1) I was stuck at home while my friends were lounging by the pool and 2) she read my diary, which I thought at that time was a violation of my privacy. 

 

What were the consequences of your actions?   

I was grounded and my cellphone got confiscated. I had no means of contacting my friends all summer. 

 

What did you learn from it?  

That no matter how angry I get at my folks, I should not call them names on my diary or say bad things about them even if they’re not going to see it. Also, hide stuff better! 

 

How did you mend your relationship with your family?    

I apologized to my mom for the words I wrote. She apologized too for “invading” my private space. 

 

How are you with your family now?  

We’re great! My mom and I are closer than ever. 

 


Interviews by Joy Rojas.

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